Why suicide always seems easier than pressing on - Inside the minds of the MISUNDERSTOOD!

To live is to be free and to be free is to live! To live in a world where peace reigned supreme, and pain was an imaginary friend that one could think of but never felt or seen. It's the year 2023, for some many things has changed for the better, others for the worst, and some are just in the in-between.

There are two things in life that are constant no matter the time, season or year, and that is death and birth. Two different things that brings out extremely different emotions and feelings. While birth brings joy and the ringing in of new life, death brings sadness, sometimes guilt, pain and the ending of one. Birth comes with expectation, a nine month period of patience, for some anxiety, anticipation, but in the end, a beautiful sight and peace after labor. However, death is known to be a mystery, a thief that creeps in and takes away what's most precious to human life, the breaths we breathe.

I am certain based on the title you already know that for some death is not a mystery, and so you would not be surprised or shocked if I said that for some it was and is calculated. Therefore the word suicide is not new to you, maybe you know of someone who have attempted, seen the news and heard of countless stories of people who have chosen this path, to put an end to their sufferings and pains or to just be 'free.' I have openly shared my story about the attempts I have made and how often taking my own life crossed my mind in my teens. It is something I am extremely well aware of or at least I thought I was! To my surprised, suicide is so much more than what it is often made to look like. I had the opportunity to hear the stories of survivors, and when I say survivors, I mean the stories of men and women, that could've been dead if left for one more second before they were found, and the stories of those who lost people to suicide.

How did I meet and know of these people? They are walking in our midst, some willing to share their stories and many others who look so good that you and I may never know or even imagine that they would attempt such a thing. I took the opportunity of reaching out to these people after hearing their stories, to listen to their thought process at the time and what helped them overcome. I was unsure as to how I would write this blog, I wanted each and every story shared, but while going through my notes, there is one thing that was common in each story. The idea that they were "better off dead than alive," and that no one heard them or understood their plight.

"My naked body was seen by thousands of people, I am no porn star and so the shame that I felt and the disgrace I brought to my family was hard to bear. I thought I was saving them the heartache by jumping off that balcony, didn't think they'd care if I died or not." Evelyn

"Nothing I did was good enough, they hated me for no reason, I did everything in my power to please them in every way possible but nothing seemed to work, I knew of someone who sold drugs and so I got some coke. I just knew all I needed to do was sniff and inhale." Malik

"She often use to say it as a joke, I really thought it was a joke! She would just sit and say, that she is stressed out and overwhelmed and then say out loud "maybe I should just kill myself!" and then laugh. But now I realized after losing her that this is not something you laugh about and maybe that was her cry for help and I failed to realize that. I feel the guilt everyday!" Shaina

"What I saw in the mirror mattered to me! To everyone else it was no big deal and it was easy for them to give their input or rate my size, but I already felt like I was dying inside so it didn't matter if I just reacted on how I felt. I drank that thing like it was made for humans and the last thing I remembered was feeling like the whole world was spinning around me." Keion

The stories went on and on and in each I felt the pain, and the hurt, but I also heard the cry for help, the wanting to be alive and feel alive but not receiving it. And then I asked the question, why does suicide seems easier than pressing on? They all answered, "because you don't feel any of the things that drove you to it in the first place," "It feels like the world stops with you!" one added. With tears in my ears I listened and I wondered of the many people around us walking with this feeling, that maybe if they die, everything else dies with them. I could see the logic, the understanding behind it, and that feeling felt scary familiar. It was a tough one but I knew I had to ask, "You were saved, many of you were brought to the hospital and spent months there, how did you feel afterwards, where did that feeling of wanting to disappear go to?"

"It does not just go away, well I know for me it didn't for a while! My mother found me passed out, my stomach had to be pumped, my systems had to be flushed, couldn't breathe on my own for a while and all these things made it worst, I was mad. I felt like she should've just left me, now with hospital bills, everyone thinking I was crazy was not helping and it took years, took me a while to recover from that. It's not magic or as everyone makes it seem, I had to be pushed, and pushed until the powers that be were bigger than those feelings. Not sure what it was but the idea of a second chance was scary, and that also didn't help." Keion

I have heard countless times the insensitive comments people make regarding suicide. A common one is, "if that person really wanted to die, it wouldn't be an attempt they would've succeeded." I think in life, every single one of us here on Earth wants to feel like we belong, wanted, appreciated in some way shape or form. That might look different for everyone, and it is easy for others on the outside to say, "don't seek validation," "you don't need people," but they sometimes fail to realize that these statements if not always, most times do more damage than good to someone who has an unstable mind or is emotionally weak.

Our mind is a beautiful thing, its ability to create new ideas both good and bad is somewhat fascinating. Recently, this famous dancer and TV star was found dead in a hotel room near his house. His wife, the person whom one can assume should know him best said nothing seemed off about him. People went on and tried drawing conclusions and making a lot of speculations, but there is something that stood out to me in all of this, the fact that we can never truly know what's going on in someone's mind.

Another clear example of us never really knowing what's really going on with even our close family members, is when Shaina explained her sister's story. The fact that she thought her sister stating that she would commit suicide was just a joke, and her way of expressing how overwhelmed she was . Shaina further went on to explain that It wasn't until after her sister's death, she realized the depth of the problems her sister was facing.

So let's talk about the mind and being misunderstood!

Part 2 will be published next Friday!