The LIE

I've heard people say that no sin is greater than the other and that there is no such thing as a simple white lie.

Well I don't know how to phrase this, simply that I made one of the biggest lies a child could have ever thought of, for absolutely no reason and faced the consequences throughout my last primary school days.

I was in grade 6 when I started having trouble in finding inner peace, that year was one of the roughest years of my life so far and I just didn't know why everything was just falling apart.

I would cry and cry over and over without having a reason for those tears, I would miss my mother so much that sometimes I'd just shut down, place myself in a corner and sometimes stay quiet (I still do that sometimes).

I realised something was wrong with me when I broke the trust of everyone that cared for me with a big lie. I remembered being in after school classes with Mrs. P for my common entrance exams at school and I was seating outside crying and screaming. One of the students went to call her and she came and asked me why I was crying, I didn't have a reason, I just didn't know what to say, then I remember my mouth going on and on and I was giving a story without thinking anything through.

That story was SO believable that my teacher believed me and cried with me, she called my uncle who picked me up and I went home and said nothing to my father. Days passed and the term was over, my dad went for my report card and my teacher told him everything and he was wondering what she was talking about, well she told him my LIE, a story that I made up and no one had any idea where it came from. My dad told me that he's heart dropped and leaped out of his chest at that moment and told my teacher that what I said never happened.

When my dad came home and told me what happened and how disappointed he was that I would do such thing killed me more inside, my conscience was beating me and I didn't want to go to school the next term scared of what was awaiting me.

I ended up going and it was the worst day I could have ever had, I could see the teachers eyes on me, talking about it all day and eventually I was brought to the principal's office for evaluation and that became a norm.

I couldn't blame it on the fact that I was just twelve years old, no mother figure or whatsoever. I really can't up to this day pin point any reason behind this LIE. How would people ever believe anything I say? How would they trust me again? I knew I was gonna spend the rest of my life paying for it but I thank God it did not end up this way.

I am thankful for my teachers and principal, they saw something in me that was better than that lie, they helped me through that phase and day by day I made progress, I stopped crying in school, having tantrums and I have never up to this day created a lie this big and it became a thing of the past.

I can't lie now and say that I have never LIED since because that will be a LIE. I've lied to my father about simple stuff teenagers do (we now joke about them) but it was never anything of that magnitude where I had to make up a story.

I know I dealt with a lot when I was younger, bullying, hurting myself, suicidal thoughts, self love and stuff that my parents would not like me sharing with you guys but being able to overcome everything one step at a time with the help of the almighty father and a father and mother who adores me is everything I needed and more.

My mum realised the effects of her leaving had on me so she made it her duty to rebuild our mother and daughter bond. She sends me a devotion in the morning, messages me throughout the day, ask about school, work, my crushes and the little things that made me feel like she was around and the same goes for my dad.

I know some people will Judge me or maybe others still hold that one thing against me but I can never forget my teacher's words "Your mistakes don't define you now nor will they define who you will become once you have accepted your wrongs and decide to change." I am at peace with myself and I have been forgiven by God and the people I caused pain and that's all that matters now.

You maybe wondering why I am opening up about it now, well like I've said before my goal for this blog is to be transparent because I know my story will help someone who made mistakes or have been broken.

The point is to never let your mistakes take over your life and trust me they will if you let them because I was miserable for a while, if you ask my father he will tell you that I was a "ZOMBIE" for days. My advice to anyone who is going through something similar is to seek help, ask your parents for help or a best friend. My parents, sister and my best friend are always there for me no matter what the circumstances are and I believe yours will be able to do the same.

N.B I made sure that my parents read this before I posted it, I had more information in there but they wanted me to keep some details out for example; what the lie was and so forth and what happened to me afterwards. I obeyed as always but this is as raw as it gets, if you have any questions feel free to message me here on the blog or any of my social media accounts.

Love

Serg