Sincerely, the Pastor's Kid

Do you remember when you gave your life to Christ? Many have spirit moving testimonies of how God delivered them from something or they heard a voice calling them and so on. Well, my story is different!

If you are a member of my blog, you've read a mother's prayer which is the story of how my mother prayed for me, technically, she prayed for a child and got me. My mum is a Woman of God and she is a holy ghost filled, fire baptized Pentecostal woman and so I was born into Christianity. Growing up, I heard a lot and was taught all there was to know about Christ and I believed! I really didn't have much of a choice either because all the rules that were set for me to follow, were all faith based. The no wearing of jewelry, the only wearing of skirts, the always tying of head before entering the church and the list went on and on.

When my mum left to move to the States and I remained in Dominica, I started living with my pastor and his family and so I was again in a Christian home but their rules were different. They were Baptist and so they wore jewelry and pants, they basically believed in everything I was taught not to do when it came to the physical side of things. Since it was expected of me, in 2013 at 13 years old, I decided to get baptized and my mother was excited when I called her to let her know of my decision.

One thing I remember vividly is that on the day of my baptism, they asked us to give brief testimonies of how we came to that decision and my answer was "I was raised in church and I believe that this is the right and the next step to continue growing and getting closer to God." Wow! I mean really and truly it is not a bad testimony but should that be the only reason for one to get baptized? Can I be frank for a minute? I was literally only interested in the dance ministry and the dance coordinator at the time, aunty Valda, told me that I had to be baptized to be involved in ministry and so the logical thing for me, was to go to baptism class and get baptized.

Well, I got baptized, I joined the dance and ushering ministry and life was a breeze. In Christmas of 2014, my older sister Jeanette convinced me to pierce my ears and so I did and my mother was not having it. She felt like I was disobeying God's order of how He created me to be and her favorite saying at the time was "if God wanted a hole in your ears, He would've placed it there just like He placed holes every other place they were meant to be." I felt bad at first but it stopped bothering me at one point, I decided to start doing devotions and learning about God like a new "babe" in the faith and I was interested in knowing some things for myself.

However, that excitement didn't last long, I became comfortable, church felt like a routine! I had to be there Sunday morning service, Sunday night service, Wednesday night bible study, sometimes Thursdays for ladies meeting, Friday night for youth service, Saturday dance practice and the cycle started again Sunday. There were days where I'd be straight out of school and had to head to church in my uniform, I would sit in the church and rarely paid attention. I was present in body, looking like I was listening but absent in mind and spirit. Terrible, ain't it! The worst part is, I began to hate it, no one actually knew because I was still very much involved, always willing to help but I don't think much people noticed that I reached a breaking point.

I began to indulge a little in worldly stuff in secret, not to the extremes but I developed an interest for secular music more and more each day. One day, my adopted dad caught me watching one of Nicky Minaj's new music video and he asked me what I was listening to and took the headphones and gave me a lecture on it, I nodded yes but at that point, that's what was captivating me. There were events in school that I wanted to take part in but my parents discerning spirit always caught me! I felt like something was missing and I had acquaintances not friends, whispering in my ears that me being a Christian so young was boring and that I was missing out and so I wanted to be out there with them. I became two different people, the during the week Sergeline who acted different at school and the weekend church goer who praised the Lord and worship.

I can't get into details because I like to keep my blogs short but I was just in a balance. When I realized how deep I could've fallen with the gossiping, lies and countless other things, something started to kick in. My favorite topic when it comes to Christianity is Grace and from the title of my book and if you've ever had a conversation with me, it always has something to do with Grace. One thing I can bet on is that when God is ready for you to do his work and do it seriously, no matter what mess you're in, He is going to leave the 99 just to find you.

My double life came crashing one trouble after another, masks began to fall off and what needed to come to light did! I was ashamed and I felt what I needed to feel! But what God did for me during that time was provide a community of people who was ready to help, listen and work with me. I became brutally honest out of nowhere, I went to my Ushering leader at one point and told her I wanted t quit and I wanted a break, I didn't really say why but she felt something was up and that's how she and I became close. One conversation after another, things just kept getting clearer. I often hear the saying that you can't serve two masters at once and I can testify that this is true. It is so hard pretending and being fake is exhausting!

I saw God move and worked on me! The things I once loved and wanted to indulged in, no longer phased me. I released myself more into studying the word and I poured myself into dance ministry. I realized a shift after ministering what was my second solo and my dance coordinator came to me and said, "I don't know what happened but you did well...." I continued to trust God for more and He continued to pour into my life each time and whenever I wanted to run away or even think of sliding back off, He tied me up and never let go.

Don't get me wrong, I am no where near perfect and like everyone else, I sin, but again my favorite part of this journey is being able to go back and see where I went wrong and be transparent, raw and honest with God of my mistake and then knowing its been erased.

I decided to recommit my life to Christ and this time it was with good reasons! It was not because I wanted to just dance in church or because I had to do it due to the fact that I was the pastor's kid, but because I had really come to know and understand God for who He is and the power of his transforming Grace. I now speak with confidence and boldly about God and I am not ashamed to say that this is where I was and this is who I am today.

I was a people pleaser, church goer, liar, naïve, you name it but Grace!

I am not sure about other pastor's children but I am one of those who was born in church and grew up in church but fell off. Like I always say, someone else's story might be worst but this is mine.

The best decision you can make is to follow Christ, but it is the most difficult journey you will ever be on! What I can guarantee you though, is that it is a hundred times worth it. You are never too messed up or too far gone for God to use you!

Sincerely,

Your favorite PK!