RESURRECTION

It's been a while guys! But I am here! Missed me? Lol!

I took some time out to do some self introspection and think back on some decisions I made and some that I need to make. It is a new year and I have set some goals for myself like getting my driver's license, losing weight, travelling and others. There's a few I've already accomplished and some I've started working on. I call this year my year of "resurrection," I've been quiet, stressed, angry and confused but most of all I've been letting things get to me so quick that I forgot who I was and I lost myself.

I woke up every morning scared of what the day was gonna be like and what people was gonna say about me this time, or what story was gonna be made up. But y'all I swear God is good, I find myself smiling, rejoicing, laughing and eating but as much as I go to sleep and wake up scared something good always come out of my day.

My friends think I'm closing myself in and that I keep staying away in hiding and not wanting to be seen. Here's the truth! I needed the time away from people (barely happened), I needed to stay quiet for some time and I needed to feel human again. My mother says to me all the time, "It is wise to stay quiet especially when your mind is not clear, just don't say a thing, collect your thoughts and stay calm."

Stupid things I thought was over years ago, I found out was still happening, girls I went to high school with was making my nationality a problem again in college. They were threatening boys (note I didn't say men) to stay away from me. Before I would cry myself to sleep but somehow I sat there and laughed, I thought to myself, If a man can not accept me for my nationality then I don't want him, If a guy would let petty talk and behaviors get in his head and change his feelings towards me then he never liked me in the first place. I came to a point where I was just laughing, looking at my life and just laugh. I started talking to myself saying things like "Sergeline Eleena Rosecarline Gomez Michel, look at your life right now, you're to young for stress, you're too young for drama. What are you doing?"

I am the spitting image of my mother in so many ways, looks, language and moods. I get tense under pressure, I get depressed when I don't see the finish line clearly and frustrated when people don't act right. So I decided to take a break from relationships, friendships, just to distance myself from it, take a seat back and look on the outside. I felt like people were stringing me along and it wasn't genuine because people would say one thing and do the other.

It is interesting as to how things can look on the outside of a friendships/relationships, who was putting in the time and the efforts. I realized and learned so many things. What people now considers a change, is who I was all the time. I have found my deliverance, my peace and joy. I realized that I was my own source of happiness, my own best friend, my own protector, please don't get me wrong I do have friends and the "baddest" female best friend in the whole world but I come first, and I also know where I stand in some people's lives.

I am happy! Happy with who I am and I am no longer finding myself! I found it! I am free!

Feels good to be back! See you every Friday!

Love

Serge