MISSED OPPORTUNITY

I've heard people say that nothing happens before its time and that every disappointment is a blessing in disguise, but to me there was no way to believe that in this situation could be a blessing.

After seeing how well I did in high school, my mother decided that going to college in the States would be a good option for me especially since she's living up there. We decided to enroll in a few community colleges and universities in Miami, Florida and New York. To be honest I wasn't sure if I'd get into any so I still made plans to attend the Dominica State College which is the local college where I live. As a young Christian, I am taught to have faith and be patient but for some reason I decided not to get my hopes up (sometimes I feel that's why things didn't work out).

Few weeks passed I was asked to send my high school transcript to MiamI Dade College (MDC) and Florida Memorial University (FMU) and so I did. Even with all that I was still in doubt and kept things on the low, only my family, my mentor, my best friend and three of my closest friends knew about the applications and the anxiety that came with them. If you've been following my blog, you should know by now that my best friend and friends are my biggest cheerleaders, they cheered me on until I even started believing that yeah I got this.

It was summer so I started to occupy my mind with other stuff and thinking of ways to distract myself, I remember my best friend came down from Barbados that summer without telling me cause she wanted to surprise me for my graduation and so we spent some time together. I remembered being with her in Krispy's (fast food place) when the notification came on my phone, I didn't bother look at it because deep inside I felt like it was going to be a major disappointment and I wanted to enjoy myself. I kept moving like nothing was on my mind and the more I did, the more my hands itched to open the email. However, when my mind is made up about whether I am going to do or not do something, that's what it is (stubborn! Yeah I know that).

I went home, bathed and then I opened the email, for a dramatic person I swear all the drama left me that day. I sat on the bed and I froze, tears was running down my cheeks but I wasn't sure if I was happy or sad. I continued reading the email then my mother called me and asked if I saw it (P.S: mamma got my email password) and we spoke about some things and we decided to wait on the two other schools to make a decision.

I went from doubting myself to having so much faith in everything, then I received an email from one of the other schools stating that I did not get in, but I held on to the little hope that I had knowing that FMU's acceptance rate would give me a fighting chance and then I received FMU's email stating that I got accepted. Out of all the three schools that I applied to I got accepted to two and they both were schools in the same state as my mother. One of the schools came with a partial scholarship option that I was going to apply for and so forth but somehow I decided to wait.

I called my best friend and before congratulating me she started to make noise with me for doubting myself and not believing that I could've made it and then she said what she always say to me 'I support you! I got you!' and trust me she was there every step of the way.

Hard times came, I got depressed, I cried and felt like things went from good to the worst possible. What pissed me off the most was that It was not a financial burden because the opportunity for my school fees to be paid was right in front of me. My father made the mistake of not taking care of some important documents that I needed to complete a procedure that I needed to do before I leave and therefore I got stuck, couldn't go for my visa and had to write a letter to the school that I chose to decline my acceptance.

It still hurts that I was unable to go and although I have yet to see the 'blessing in disguise' or the 'reasons' behind this happening, I am just here working towards getting the necessary stuff done to facilitate a smooth transition to university. It is hard and has been hard but my only fear now is being accepted again or to better universities and having to decline.

I went on to the Dominica State College where I am striving to perform at my best to maintain a good G.P.A and so far so good. I've got one more year left and I am hoping to make the best out of it. I am not sure what my life would be like if I did go to FMU but I can only think and dream about it and have faith in what will be.

Love

SJ