Let your emotions be free

• Suck it up!

• That’s nothing to cry over!

• Why are you acting like it’s the end of the world?

• If you need something to cry about I’ll give you one!

• Big girls don’t cry! (Men don’t cry!)

• Why are you angry?

• You’re too emotional!

• Relax!

• I went through it! It’s not that bad!

• It’s not that big of a deal!

• You’re so dramatic!

• Why do you feel like you need people’s approval!

I don’t know about you but most of these statements have been made to me many times!

I am no therapist but I just feel like something is just so wrong with these statements, and it’s about time we change that way of thinking!

People are so quick to tell others to bottle things up and to not feel the way they do because why, “it makes them look weak,” or “unbalanced!” I have absolutely no idea where the idea of telling someone to shut out their true emotions came from, but it is becoming very toxic and is a mentality that is being passed on for generations and generations!

People are entitled to feel the way they do! It makes them human, emotions are not to be shut out but to be felt and let out! You are not in the person’s shoes and even if you had a similar experience it is no way the same. Whereas shutting out or down worked for you, it might not work for me or someone else.

Lately, I’ve had many encounters with friends who were advised that they shouldn’t feel the way they feel about a situation or something. For some, it has led them to a state of depression, to faking a persona or behavior or almost to the edge of suicide!

What’s worst, is that most of the time, this is coming from the people whom they expect to be there for them! “Hey, I am sad because I lost someone who was close to my heart!” The first thing that people find to say most times, are either one of the above statements or to just “be strong!”

How about, “I don’t know how you feel because I have never experienced this kind of pain, but I want you to know that it is okay to feel the way you do!”

“It pains me to see you go through this and I am willing to be the shoulder you need to cry on!”

“I am here if you need me!”

“I experienced a similar situation and I know it might not be the same but I believe I somewhat understand what you’re going through. But I am willing to learn from your experience to better understand where you are coming from and to help in anyway I can!”

I am not here to write to please anyone or to fake someone I am not and so I have also been guilty of telling people to be strong or to shut down because I myself did not know any better! And this was just because it’s what I learnt and was told during my weakest of moments, and so I felt like they would help someone else in their time of need. When I realized that these statements were not helpful tips and were driving me to my own downfall, I had to restart my mind and my way of thinking! And so I would rather be who I needed when I felt the way I felt about something or a situation, than to go around telling people to not feel the way they do.

Even God himself gets angry at times and he let his emotions out! There are countless examples of where God and Jesus were not pleased about something that the children of Israel did or someone in the Bible, and he showed how he felt! When God is happy and pleased, we also know because he expresses himself in different ways! So who are we to tell others to not feel the way they do. Sometimes, we are so quick to push our own experiences on others that we forget to listen, and actually hear the person out and be there for them!

And to you who is currently hurting in whatever situation or circumstance you might be and people are telling you to “be strong, to not cry and to shut up!” The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to tune them out! What happens is that when you cover up how you truly feel and bottle things up, you begin to create a box within you that carries these pains and hurt and when that box gets filled and can no longer hold anything else in, it bursts and ugly things come out of there!

When you bottle your emotions up , you block yourself from healing! You tie yourself up to chains rather than freedom! Even God himself asks us to come to him , if we are heavily burdened and he will give us rest! To lay it all at his feet! For he is our comforter, fortress and peace. If the people in your circle are always asking you to tune out your feelings and emotions, break free from that circle! In moments like these you need a support system, shoulders, a listening ear and like I always say God does that best!

I have also done therapy and I always say I am one lucky girl to have the best therapist and so when you feel like everything you’ve tried is not working, get you a professional who can actually help!

People will continue to talk and most times they will tell you to not to feel the way you do but I want you to know that there is a reason why you feel that way, and dismissing it, never bring good results!

But may I just say, while it is okay to feel the way we feel and to let our emotions out, sometimes we must be careful with how and the type of emotions and feelings we do let out! Emotions such as anger and hatred can become poison and kill! James 1:20 “because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

It is okay to not be okay! Sadness is not of God, pain and hurt is not of God and so if you ever find yourself feeling like this it is because something is wrong and you are not okay! The best thing to do then is to be true to yourself and seek the help that you need, from a friend, family member or just someone you trust! What is not okay? Is letting these emotions get the best of you, remember that no storm comes to stay and that they are just for a season!

Here are some verses that I hope helps you:

Psalm 34:17 “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.”

Ecclesiastes 3:4 “ a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”

1 Peter 5:7 “Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”

Love always,

SJ