How Green is the grass on the other side?

Like me, growing up you may have also heard of the saying "the grass is greener on the other side." One of the questions I always asked was, is it really? When people stated that phrase, I always thought they were referring to actual grass. My response would always be that "on the other side of grass was dirt" (SMH). It wasn't until my late teens that I realized that it was only referring to something that looks better than the situation or the place someone is in or the hope of eventually overcoming hurdles. But here's the thing, what I realize in that statement is that in hoping that the grass is greener on the other side or thinking that it is, we look at the life we have and our situations with a judgmental eye and we draw conclusions.

While hoping and wishing for better is good, don't be alarmed if when you do go elsewhere or happen to change that situation somehow, it is not exactly greener and you were totally wrong. I am saying this because I've experienced this myself where I thought the grass was "greener on the other side," and then it wasn't. Sometimes the grass might look greener, and fresh because well it just grew but it may also be fake. I always try to give examples or illustrations like some of my friends would say, so here goes! I can remember there was a time I was talking to someone, and we were talking for a while. He was a pretty nice guy and for some reason, I was not physically attracted to him, but he was good all around. However, in comes someone who was everything I thought I wanted physically, the person was also interested in me and teenage me decided to jump ship.

In my mind, what seemed appealing and "well packaged" was better than what I had, and I couldn't be further from the truth. In one of the interviews I completed for my podcast which I have not released as yet, my guest also shared some light on the fact that sometimes we think our country is bad or we lack so many things because of what we see online or on the television but in reality it is never that way. I can give countless examples, but the point I am trying to make here is, we must be careful in assuming that life elsewhere or other people/ situations are better than what we have.

I don't think we can fully make comparisons of what better looks likes, because what may seem better to me may not be to you and vice versa. Am I saying to accept your situation for what it is? No way! What I am saying is to not compare your situation to anyone else's but find ways to change it. One of the things I've noticed these days, is that it is so easy to just go online, and complain about an issue or give up, and I was like this before. Until I realized that complaining doesn't change my situation nor does posting about it. Sometimes I even went as far as saying "oh if only I was living elsewhere or had a different this or that." When I realized that none of these things worked, I had to develop a different approach. I had to ask myself these questions, "what can I do about my situation to make it better?" "What about that other country that looks so enticing that I hate my life in mine?" "What about my life that makes me look at that other person's life and want what they have or wish I had what they had?" In asking yourself these questions and maybe a few more based on the situation you're in, you will be able to see that maybe what you're yearning for and want, may not always be best or better.

Don't get me wrong, there are situations and moments that will call for a move or a change, but it's not all the time that when something or someone looks better than what we have, that it is. Maybe you're struggling with an inferiority complex, feelings of Inadequacy, or incompetence, because of what you see other people look like or what they've achieved, I am here to tell you, it is time to fight this and quit. Social media has us wrapped in this bubble, where we have certain standards and requirements to meet to fit in or be the it girl/boy.

When Paul wrote to the Corinthians who were fighting amongst themselves to prove who were better, he provided a response which I believe is still suitable for us today. In 2 Corinthians 10:12, he wrote " We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise." What I believe he was saying in this verse is that, it is foolish and not so bright to compare or judge ourselves base of others especially those who sings their own praises. It's like saying the country is badly managed and has bad leadership and when the time comes where you can make an impact and create change, you chose to turn a blind eye and keep the same leaders that you complain all the time about.

Another quick example, is my expectations of the US base on what I saw or knew it to be vs the reality! While the United States is known for providing opportunities and success, it can also be the most loneliest place on Earth, if you are not used to it or careful in the people you are around. I've witness this first hand when many of the expectations I had coming to the US were shattered, and I became homesick. While I may have gained some wings in my career and personal goals, and to some that should be enough to bring me joy, but the community and family unit that I had is missing. I made a promise to always be transparent on this blog and I am sure you heard me say this a thousand times, money and a career is not everything, and family sometimes are not only our blood relatives.

This year was the biggest year of my life because I went through some of the biggest changes, and I had to tell God the other day that when I sang "I want to be tried by fire, purify!" I didn't actually mean these moments that I faced. I've gained and lost so much this year, from moving to a new country and being told by the person most dear to my heart to change mostly everything about me and my beliefs when I expected that person to be my safe place, to being diagnosed with conditions I am still trying to understand and losing the person I trusted most in this world. So how green is the grass on the other side? My response? It is not always greener! What I believe God is trying to teach me right now is how to be thankful for everything in my life, and that even the smallest things count. Not that I was ungrateful but I am saying this because what I realize is that everything I need now, I took for granted when I had direct access to them, people who loved me for who I was even with all my flaws, and community. He is also teaching me that success is not everything there is to life and it can be lonely at times.

Whenever you wish to move to the other side of whatever you're facing, I pray that it is not because you hate it, and that you didn't try to fix or be content for the time God had you in that situation, but because you have learned and is ready to move to something better while keeping those lessons in mind. Let's not judge our lives, our situations, family, country or the like based of what we see or made to believe, but rather pray diligently that God helps us and guides us through it, so that whenever the change comes, we will be ready to face it.

Let this be a reminder to be grateful for everything in your life, that you are enough, and to embrace those around you! My tip is, walk your way through the grass you're in and let it take you to the outside rather than jump unprepared.

Well, you just read the last blog for the year!

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas, a Happy Holidays and a Happy New year! May this season serve as a time of reflection, a time of joy, laughter and love in your homes! Thank you for making LIW your blog spot, with over 1, 000 readers and hundreds of subscribers! We love and appreciate you so much!

From my team to you!

Love,

SJ