Caged

Often times when I am asked for words to describe myself one of them would be pessimistic.

A pessimistic person is one who tends to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen. I have absolutely no idea where I developed that attitude but for some reason that's how I saw things. Alright, for example I was asked to take part in a debate and although I put in the work and did my best and everything but from the beginning to the end I kept saying I was going to lose and I'm not good at it. Another one would be when my friends did certain things and I'd be like 'that's not gonna work!' I mean no one likes a negative person around them! My sister would often ask me why am I so negative and my answer would always be "its not good to get your hopes up or look forward to something to get disappointed, so its best to have no expectations and think of the worst. Guys!! I swear teenage me was totally different from who I am today! The real question is why do we tend to be so negative and how does one overcome that?

The answer really and truly is I don't know! But what I can tell you is that it starts from within, You have to ask yourself why. why do I always think of the worst? Did something happen to make me this way? So for me that's how I found the answer, I have always been competitive, in primary school I always wanted to be the first in my class and everything else I took part in. I hate losing! So my mum made me take part in a class quiz contest when I was younger and I lost, not only once but twice, she told me that I was good at it but I kept losing and for some reason I did not forget and from since then no matter what I did I'd lose and I in my mind I was not good at anything. Another example would be when people tell me No! Listen, I could die when someone tells me no or a request of mine is declined. Not that I like to have my own way but for Christ sake I am asking because I need it or want to take part in it, so that's when I realized ok maybe all these things contributed to my negative attitude from a young age. I no longer looked forward to anything because at the back of my head it'd be a no or a lost! I fed my mind these negative comments and I became Caged.

Why caged? Because I was Imprisoned by my own NEGATIVE thoughts! So when I got older people would ask me to take part in something and I'd be like 'No thanks! I'm good!' When deep down I really wanted to but the negative thoughts began to flow and I let every single opportunity passed me by. That sucked! So when people began to tell me that I was good at certain things It reminded me of my mum and my lost and my answer would be "Yeah right!" until I had enough. I realized that those negative thoughts and my negative attitude was not only towards my school work but life in general. I hated that it was affecting my friendships, hindering my talents and everything else that I liked and wanted to do. I realized that I needed to get out of the bubble, it wasn't easy but I needed to free myself. I hard to learn that losing doesn't necessarily mean I am not good at what I do but someone else is just better and I should work harder next time. I had to come to terms that a No does not necessarily mean that I am not worthy of that opportunity or thing, just that maybe it wasn't my time to have it or be in that position. I had to also familiarize myself with the saying that you don't always get what you want and I had to also asked myself what it is that I need.

The answer was simple! I needed my friends so I had to learn to be supportive and not a Debbie Downer! I needed to know that I at least tried but failed than not try and not know what my abilities were! I needed to know that timing is everything, so I can want it now but it may be just maybe not my time as yet! And that helped me overcome!

So if you ask me for one word to describe myself now, Pessimistic is not even close! I'd say optimistic! LOL!

My tip is ask yourself where that attitude came from and try your best to get to the bottom of it! Always look at the glass half full and not half empty!

Leave a comment down below or email me a topic you wish to hear my views on!

Love,

SJ