Breaking the chains: How to find Lightness in Life’s burdens

Earlier this year, I declared 2023 as my year of triumph. I anticipated a year filled with achievements like job offers, acceptances, and more. Although I did experience some moments of success, such as my book sales, its anniversary celebration, publishing another book, and an expanding list of speaking engagements, I can't help but reflect on how much 2023 truly tested me. Losing my father was devastating, and I felt like my world had crumbled. I began to blame myself for everything, thinking that I wasn't a good child because he often felt like I didn't love him as much as others, and the fact that I couldn't give him the funeral I felt that he deserved or even attend it was heartbreaking.

I've had some challenging moments that tested my faith, and during those times, my prayer closet became a sanctuary for me. I made a conscious effort to make positive changes in my life, such as reducing contact with certain individuals and prioritizing my mental well-being. As a result, I had to postpone many things, which came at a cost. However, the peace I gained from these actions was invaluable to me. Sadly, I found myself wondering how I would manage to get through the rest of the year. With various health issues, family problems, relationship struggles, work stress, school assignments, and business responsibilities. Everything felt like a heavy weight on my shoulders. It is one thing to know that you're free, but another to actually accept that you are. I used to feel trapped, as if I was bound by chains and weighed down by everything that came my way, it was one thing after another. I asked myself, 'how can a year of congratulations be that of so much pain?' I found myself looking back at 2022 and everything it came with and tried to find the difference between the two. Yet, there I found myself saying, "oh wow, the cycle continues." I fell behind, behind on everything that I was supposed to accomplish, my focus was gone, and I was swayed.

I understand that you may have a different perspective based on what you observed from me or my team throughout the year. However, I have always found a flat in-between every mountain I had to climb. My favorite flat is being able to silence the noise. When my father passed away, I was bombarded with external opinions, anger, superstitions, and the weight of being his eldest child constantly threatened to overwhelm me. From the crack of dawn until the late hours of the night, my phone became an unrelenting source of interruption, its incessant buzzing and ringing piercing through the silence and shattering any semblance of peace, leaving me feeling suffocated and overwhelmed. It was as if everyone had forgotten that I too needed a moment to breathe, to gather my thoughts, and to simply exist without the constant intrusion. It took its toll on my mental and emotional well-being. I found myself constantly on edge, my nerves frayed, and my patience stretched to its limits. My only escape was finding ways to calm my mind and exploring new coping strategies that I never imagined I would embrace.

Despite the multitude of challenges, I have encountered, the sheer magnitude of these burdens could have easily overwhelmed me. Nevertheless, I have managed to endure by directing my attention towards the positive elements and uncovering the silver lining in every circumstance. Adopting this mindset has enabled me to persist and make progress in spite of the hardships. I understood that true freedom is not about being devoid of challenges or limitations, but rather about finding a sense of inner liberation despite the circumstances. It is about cultivating a mindset of acceptance, gratitude, and resilience in order to transcend the limitations imposed by external factors, and I truly learned the power of positive thinking, mindfulness, and self-care as tools for cultivating joy and finding moments of happiness amidst life's challenges.

I discovered a method to achieve a greater sense of calmness by constantly reminding myself that it is perfectly acceptable to go through a range of emotions and not constantly strive to be strong. By doing so, I was able to allow my emotions to flow through me and consequently experience a lighter state of being. I was often told that crying wouldn't solve anything on numerous occasions, but as I grew older, I realized that this statement couldn't be further from the truth. In the depths of my grief, I found solace in allowing myself to cry. Each tear that fell became a symbol of my love, pain, and longing. Through my tears, I was able to acknowledge and honor my emotions, rather than burying them deep within. When words failed me, tears became the language of my heart. I realized that crying was not a sign of weakness, but rather a testament to my strength and resilience in facing life's challenges head-on.

I also discovered comfort in the book of life, receiving guidance from my creator. From verses like Psalm 31:24 "Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. Give your burdens to God." and my favorite, John 16:33, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” These verses from the Bible have always been a source of constant reminder for me that the word of God never fails. Knowing that I can find comfort and hope in times of sorrow or loss. Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." This verse reminds me that even in my darkest moments, God is near, offering His love, comfort, and healing. It assures me that I am not alone in my pain and that God will bring restoration and redemption.

Life is constantly surprising me, and it's clear that we can't avoid the inevitable no matter how hard we try to control it. Despite my belief in my own strength, I often find myself overwhelmed by difficult news and challenging times. However, I've come to realize that I can't bear these burdens alone, and I've learned to rely on my faith even when my emotions are overwhelming. It's been a struggle to accept this new reality, especially on Sundays, which used to be my 'daddy's day.' But I've also noticed that God is opening my heart and mind to new experiences and growth.

Every individual has their unique way of experiencing and coping with grief. Although no one can ever replace the irreplaceable love of my father, every loss brings something positive. Thankfully, God has filled the void with the ideal person for me and I am surrounded by family and friends who continues to be the best support system and a therapist who provides the best balance in my life.

Am I ready for 2024? Absolutely not! but I choose to remain optimistic about the future. I understand that preparation is an ongoing process, and I am willing to put in the effort required to equip myself for the opportunities and challenges that the future holds. I also recognize that the path to success is rarely linear, and setbacks and failures are inevitable. But it is in remembering that every setback is an opportunity for growth and learning that encourages me to persevere, to find alternative solutions, and to embrace the lessons that come with each new experience.

And so the journey continues ..........

Love always,

SJ