Asleep Papa?

“It’ll get easier,” they said

But no one ever talk about the guilt that comes with it

Wondering if maybe I called that day, tried harder or did something different, maybe it could’ve been avoided.

“There’s nothing you can do,” they said

But no one talks about the sleepless nights and the fear of closing my eyes so I don’t dream.

“He loved you,” they said

But no one seems to be able to explain why I feel like I didn’t express or show my love to him enough, that he left without knowing how I truly felt but rather abandoned by his kids.

“Don’t cry,” they said

But I am not sure how I need to explain that these tears are the only thing that I have left to show how big of an impact this is.

“Be strong for the others,” they said

But I can’t help but break down because I feel so weak and I’m still his kid.

“It’s part of life,” they said

While that may be true, I still wish it wasn’t and that I still had him.

"He is proud of you," they said

But I can't help but wish he was still here to help me celebrate even the smallest wins.

"Someone will fill in the gap," they said

But I can't help but feel like it will never be the same.

Papa was my bestfriend and my world!

"With time, you will heal from this," they said

But I can't help but think that there is a part of me that has gone missing, a part that I will keep on seeking!

"You will be ok," they said

But then the memories come and I am unable to cope with the day.

So I ask, how will I ever be ok?

“He’s in a better place,” they said

But in that I hope!

Hope that he made it beside our maker and is resting in eternal peace.

In loving memory of my wonderful father Serge Michel!

Love always,

SJ